I am happy to have these last few weeks off so that I can find my focus and gain more clarity in my life. When you work too much, you focus on money because you have no time for the real finer things in life such as health, family, love, and learning. Since I have been out of work, every day has been a joy and a learning experience. I am finding out things about myself that I didn't know were there and I am a much stronger and happier person than I remember.
I have decided that my focus in the coming time is to change how I feel, rather than focus on how I look. I am learning how to feel good and believe it or not, this is not something that comes naturally to me. I will be turning 28 one week from today and the realization that I have been depressed for exactly half of my life is not a pleasant one. Yes, I have been depressed for at least 14 years! Fortunately, I had a moment of realization. I thought, "You know what, just because I have been depressed for half of my life doesn't mean that I have to be depressed the rest of my life." How very simple yet profound. Yet, if anyone were to tell me this exact statement, I would never have thought it true until I was ready to embrace it.
So here I am, starting a new job and having my 28th birthday exactly one week from today. I feel hopeful for new beginnings, and at a time when I expected to feel worst of all (AKA being unemployed), I have been able to turn things around for the better and get my life back on track. One can only hope that in a few months time I will be happy and feeling better. My anxieties and fears will be lifted and with that will hopefully come weight loss and better physical health. I know I can not continue life at the rate I had formerly been living.
I am quiting drinking soda and coffee, and instead drinking tea. If you catch me saying bitter or jealous things about others, smack me in the face, hard. I am exercising more and spending time outdoors, rather than logging time on the computer. And I am cooking my own food rather than eating out or snacking on junk food.
Focus has been found!